In Memory of Catherine Sheil, 1961 – 2024
Carly:
This page serves to be a permanent memorial to my mother and our best friend Catherine Sheil. Catherine Rose Sheil was lost to us after battling with leukaemia, at age 63.
Funeral Service
The below video is a recording from the celebration of life for the late Catherine Sheil. It was held on Friday 9 February 2024, 1pm at Macquarie Park Cemetery and Crematorium – Magnolia Chapel.
Originally the video was livestreamed. I have made a slight crop to just our service, and also added transcription and captions.
Order of Service presented by Julie Dominish – celebrant
Links jump to a transcription on this page of each segment. The video above does include captions and a transcript as well.
Entry music: Cherish – David Cassidy
Welcome and introduction: Julie Dominish – celebrant
Poem: Excerpt from Interim by Edna St. Vincent Millay
Daughter’s memories: Carly and Rachel Sheil
Photo tribute and music accompaniment: You’re My Best Friend – Queen When the Weather is Fine – Thirsty Merc
Reflection time (letters, coffin graffiti, and painting) with music accompaniment: Your Song – Elton John You are so Beautiful – Joe Cocker
Final words and committal: Julie Dominish – celebrant
Departure music: On the Road Again – Willie Nelson
Cherish – David Cassidy
Cherish is the word I use to describe All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside You don't know how many times I wished that I had told you You don't know how many times I wished that I could hold you You don't know how many times I've wished that I could mold you Into someone who could Cherish me as much as I cherish you Perish is the word that more than applies To the hope in my heart each time I realize That I am not going to be the one To share your dreams That I am not going to be the one To share your schemes That I am not going to be the one To share what seems to be the life That you could cherish me as much as I do yours. Oh I'm beginning to think That man has never found The words that could make you want me That have the right amount of letters Just the right sound That could make you hear Make you see That you're driving me out of my mind Oh I could say I need you But then you'd realize that I want you Just like a thousand other guys Who say they'd love you With all the rest of their lives When all they wanted was to Touch your face, your hand And gaze into your eyes Cherish is the word I use to describe All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside You don't know how many times I wished that I had told you You don't know how many times I wished that I could hold you You don't know how many times I wished that I could mold you Into someone that could cherish me as much as I cherish you And I do Cherish you
Welcome and introduction: Julie Dominish – celebrant
Julie:
Hello. Welcome to the celebration of life of Catherine. Known to her family as Roz, and to her friends and colleagues as Cath or Cathy.
We have people attending today via the livestream, and I would also like to acknowledge their presence. We are pleased that you were able to watch.
My name is Julie Dominish, and I’ll be guiding us through today’s service. Before I move on, would you please just take a moment to ensure that any mobile devices have been switched to silent, thankyou.
Well before we begin, I would like to help you settle into this space, and to remind you, that this is a safe space, where you have permission to let your tears fall and to allow your laughter to be heard.
If you are comfortable to do so, please close your eyes, take a deep breath, inhale, and exhale. Feel the air entering and exiting your lungs. Feel your feet firmly on the ground. Allow your mind to be at rest. When you are ready, open your eyes, and take another deep breath, and exhale.
Today we join together to celebrate Catherine’s life. To hear about her achievements, and what mattered to her. We will visit moments from her life with a photo tribute, and we will spend time reflecting on and we will then say a final goodbye.
As most of you are aware, Catherine faced some health challenges over the past few years. However, her life ending on Monday the fifth of February, has left you all her family, friends, and the many communities she had been part of in shock and experiencing a range of emotions, such as denial, disbelief, anger, sadness, and, being numb. These emotions are appropriate responses, and they do not last. As you move through them you will then be met by grief which has no time limit.
The experience of grief can be likened to sailing in the ocean one moment the swell throws you around and takes then the calm waters appear to help you sail smoothly. Such, is living with grief. You can be managing the day-to-day well and then out of nowhere it hits you. The sadness the loss the anger the acceptance. It is human to feel these things, for grief is the price we pay for love. That first was made extremely popular by the late Queen Elizabeth, and is so true.
I am told that Cath was generous, compassionate, wise, strong, a rock to her daughters, and their best friend. She was also a good shopper, who had a knack for buying goofy presents. Cath was a bright light, in this world. and she had a great sense of humor.
Her ex-husband John that after six years of separation and thinking they were divorced, they discovered that they were actually still married. Rather than being upset, Cath found this to be hilarious.
Cath was a registered nurse for her entire adult life, she was dedicated to her profession, it was just so natural for her to look after others before looking after herself. She gained many awards through her career and always took the ethical path with her work. Although she received accolades, she was humble about these and had the attitude to just do it. Her profession saw her live in many rural settings over her lifetime.
I understand that Cath was an extremely good advice-giver and a great judge of character. She knew how to throw a party especially for Halloween, and Chinese New Year. She loved to cook, and was a good cook. and she loved to make cakes a memorable cake her family told me about was one she made to resemble a kitty litter tray. They didn’t tell me how it tasted, did it taste alright? Once you got your head around what it was?
So Carly’s just painting away. She’s spending time being here with her mum, and painting.
Cath also loved to read and enjoyed drinking a stout beer whilst doing so. She loved music, all genres of music. She loved people and was known to be everyone’s best friend. Cath was a person who didn’t take crap from anyone, and she loved to throw a good swear world out there, often.
From all I’ve learned about Cath I believe her greatest achievement was her daughters, Carly and Rachel. Who share with me that their mum had kept two diaries one for each of them where she had written about them growing up. These diaries, which are on the table over there, will now serve to be such a treasured possession for them. Where they will be able to hear their mum’s voice through the words she had written over many years. What a beautiful gift to be left.
Carly and Rachel have chosen a poem for me to share. Which is an excerpt from Interim by Edna St. Vincent Millay.
Before I do that, I just wanted to share something, ‘cause I heard Jen speak then. When the girls were talking about the When Carly and Rachel were talking about the diaries with me Jen said, “Oh I didn’t do that!” “I wasn’t as good a mother as she was!”. And even when I mentioned it then, she mentioned it to her children too.
Interim by Edna St. Vincent Millay
You are not here. I know that you are gone, And will not ever enter here again. And yet it seems to me, if I should speak, Your silent step must wake across the hall; If I should turn my head, that your sweet eyes Would kiss me from the door.—So short a time To teach my life its transposition to This difficult and unaccustomed key!— The room is as you left it; your last touch— A thoughtless pressure, knowing not itself As saintly—hallows now each simple thing; Hallows and glorifies, and glows between The dust’s grey fingers like a shielded light. There is your book, just as you laid it down, Face to the table,—I cannot believe That you are gone!—Just then it seemed to me You must be here. I almost laughed to think How like reality the dream had been; Yet knew before I laughed, and so was still. That book, outspread, just as you laid it down! Perhaps you thought, “I wonder what comes next, And whether this or this will be the end”; So rose, and left it, thinking to return.
Daughter’s memories: Carly and Rachel
Julie:
Very deep words, but very beautiful words chosen by Carly and Rachel. I have learned a lot about Cath by speaking with her family and I have shared with you, some of what I have learned. I would now like to invite two people who knew her so well her daughters Carly and Rachel. to come and share with us, about their Mum.
Carly:
I’m making a bit of a mess there, but hey.
Mum actually made this dress, she didn’t give herself enough time, she was so busy looking after everyon making sure that everyone else felt really cared for and loved.
I don't think any words will ever be able to capture the wacky, selfless, funny and caring woman our mother was. She was absolutely dedicated to my sister and I, and made many selfless sacrifices to ensure we were happy and healthy and knew we could be truly ourselves throughout our lives.
It's kind of satisfying how neat and tidy many of her life milestones are. She was born 3rd of February 1961 (at 3:30 in the afternoon), married dad on the ninth of February 1985 (it's also the 9th of February today). Jazzy the cat died on the seventeenth of February last year and then mum died on the fifth of February this year at age 63. Both of her parents were 85 when they died. She had both of her children in April myself on the 5th of April and my sister on the 22nd, and her waters broke at 1:10am for both of us.
In 1993 Mum had breast cancer for the first time, and here is a quote from her journal to me about it after her mastectomy:
"It's so hard to believe it actually all happened now. I look down at the scar where my breast used to be and it all becomes real though! It certainly gives you a different outlook on life. I feel more devoted to you, your dad, and your unborn sister or brother. I want to lead our lives for ourselves, bugger everyone else. I'll spoil you if I want to and I don't care what people say because you're lucky you'll have your Mum for a bit longer yet. I love you so much I could burst."
We really were lucky we had her for a bit longer, not just in 1993 when this quote was but again in 2000 when she had a second breast cancer in the other breast, and again even for the past year every day we had her since she was first diagnosed with leukemia.
She cared so much for me through my own breast cancer in 2020, as much as she could through closing and how far away I was. She struggled, yet she made time and found the money to visit me many times throughout it. I felt like I was following in her footsteps, and she gave advice and support that was crucial to me having the strength to get through it. She was a rock through my struggles with cancer, as surreal as it must have been for her. Surreal it was for me too when I was back on the other side again, as she battled with leukaemia this time.
I'll miss her cheeky grin, her silly thoughtful gifts, and how much she loved a dark beer at the pub with a book. Whenever we'd go shopping growing up we'd have to stop by the bookshop, we would hang out at the library, and whenever she'd visit she always had a book for the plane, and it's definitely a love of reading that caught on to me too.
She made sure we knew we could be whatever we wanted to be, no matter how many bombshell announcements I dropped on her as I explored my identity, she was supportive and loving.
She gave great advice at every turn in my life, helped me through many bad decisions, and I knew she was always there for us.
She was an amazing mentor, she taught me how to run in a way that wouldn't get me teased, she caught me up in class when I was lagging behind (a little too well, I ended up a bit ahead and got asked to slow down), taught me how to keep and appreciate friends, and taught me how to see a world of different perspectives.
I couldn't be who I am today without her.
Julie:
Well done, it’s never easy to get up and speak at a funeral service. Even less easy when it’s your mother. So well done Rachel, and well done Carly.
We’ve heard about Cath the life she lived and the person she was. You’ll now spend some time watching a photo tribute of Cath’s life lovingly put together by Carly which includes contributions of photos sent from Cath’s many friends.
You’re My Best Friend – Queen
Ooh, you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you, you're all I see
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live
Oh, you're the best friend
That I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh, you're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
Ooh, I've been wandering 'round
Still come back to you
(Still come back to you)
In rain or shine
You've stood by me, girl
I'm happy at home (happy at home)
You're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you, to help me forgive, ooh
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live
Oh, you're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
Oh, you're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
I'm happy (happy at home)
You're my best friend
Oh
Oh, you're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live (ooh)
You, you're my best friend
When the Weather is Fine – Thirsty Merc
It's been so long
Since I have heard your voice
I'd like to talk
Then I might not have the choice
You turned off your phone
I guess you need some time away
I wish you could hear me say
I know that sometime
When the weather is fine
I will be with you
I'll be with you
No one can see
What the future will be
But I'll feel for you
I'll feel for you
I saw your friends
They said that this is not like you
One thing I've learnt
Even angels lose their view
And now you have gone
My days are empty, cold and bleak
To think that we can't even speak
Can't even speak
But I know that sometime
When the weather is fine
I will be with you
I'll be with you
No one can see
What the future will be
But I'll feel for you
I'll feel for you
I'm just trying to make a contribution
Does that stand for nothing at all?
I want to say I love you
But I feel like I can't talk
And I know that sometime
When the weather is fine
I will be with you
I'll be with you
No one can see
What the future will be
But I'll feel for you
I feel for you
Reflection time with letters, coffin graffiti, and painting
Julie:
How great was that, to hear the laughter in this room? Certain photos evoked certain memories and certain feelings.
Well, photos provide a wonderful way for revisiting time shared, and reminding us of memories. We have just visited moments from Cath’s life, aand you may find yourself remembering times shared with her. Now we will move into a time for you to reflect on these memories.
During this time, I encourage you to think about your relationship with Cath. The times you shared with her. The impact she had in your life.
As the music plays you have an opportunity to come forward, and physically engage with your thoug By way of a note, graffiti, or paint.
You may choose to write a note to Cath that will go with her on her final journey. You may choose to graffiti her coffin with a written message. Or a picture. Or you may wish to join Carly and paint something on her coffin. Or you might just prefer to sit and contemplate.
Please be comfortable to do whatever you feel you need during this time. This is your time, to say your goodbye. To say your thanks. To say your unspoken words in a way that works for you.
Your Song – Elton John
It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money, but, boy, if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, heh, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song, and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well, a few of the verses, well, they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do
You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
You are so Beautiful – Joe Cocker
You are so beautiful
To me
You are so beautiful
To me
Can't you see
You're everything I hoped for
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful
To me
You are so beautiful
To me
You are so beautiful
To me
Can't you see
You're everything I hoped for
Everything I need
You are so beautiful
To me
Final words and committal: Julie Dominish – celebrant
Julie:
I hope you’ve each felt you’ve had some time to say your goodbye. If you felt that you were waiting and waiting to get up and write something please feel free that you can get up and do that, even as I speak.
Well following the service, the family invites you to join with them at the Governor Hotel, just here in Macquarie Park Where you can share more memories of Cath, you can speak her name and you can comfort one another.
As we move towards the final stage of Catherine’s service I would like to share a poem called Their Memory Stays by Casey Gamble:
Although she has passed on, Her memory forever stays. Remember how she smiled, And the joy she always gave. You'll miss her all the time, And think of her every day. Her love filled the world – A love that will never fade.
Over the coming days, months, years I encourage you to continue to speak of Catherine, of Aunty Roz, Cath, Cathy. The simple act of saying Cath’s name, especially to her loved ones, keeps her memory alive.
As was her way, right to the end, Cath put others before herself. Keeping to herself, just how sick she was.
There is no doubt that Catherine will be missed by many. Rachel will miss her comforting smell, Carly will miss her advice, and Jen, will miss having a sister. Moving forward is difficult after the death of a loved one.
As life continues to go on. You may feel like you don’t know how to move forward without Cath being a part of your world. So, how do you leave here today and move forward with your life?
The first song we listened to today Was called Cherish. It was one that Cath loved as a young girl. There are some lines repeated through this song that say Cherish the love, cherish the life. When you leave here today remember these lines remember to cherish the love that you have and to cherish the life that you live. Allow this to be the legacy that Cath has left for each of you. To not only remember her by but to embrace, cherish love, and cherish life. This is how you move forward.
We have taken the time to mourn Catherine, to celebrate the life she lived and to remember the person that she was. Now we must say farewell, and I can almost, I never knew Cath, but I can almost hear her saying "oh shit has it got to that time already?"
As we prepare to do this, I acknowledge that the hardest part of death is saying the final goodbye. It is important to remember that love doesn’t die with death. Just as you loved Catherine in life you will continue to love her in death, and just as Catherine loved you through her life her love remains with you love doesn’t die.
In times of darkness, love sees in times of silence, love hears in times of doubt, love hopes in times of sorrow, love heals and in all times, love remembers.
Carly, it’s nearly time to finish. I’ll let you just have a moment, and I ask for those who are able if you will please stand for the committal.
Cath as we bid you farewell we are thankful to have shared joy in the sun, shelter in the storms, and to have laughed in the same moment. We will treasure the memory of your words and works your character and quality and will be forever in reach for having known your face, and so, your kind and generous nature We commit to our memories. Your love, humour, and friendship, we commit to our hearts. Your body, we commit, to its natural end with nature. Thankyou for all that you were, and all that you gave. Catherine, may you now forever rest in peace, with the certain knowledge that you were, are, and will always be dearly loved, and terribly missed.
Please be seated.
Well, as you leave here today remember, remember to be gentle on yourselves and to be gentle with one another and as you share time together, in further memories of Cath allow yourselves to embrace love and life, thankyou.
On the Road Again – Willie Nelson
On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is making music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway
We're the best of friends
Insisting that the world keep turning our way
And our way is on the road again
I just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
On the road again
Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway
We're the best of friends
Insisting that the world keep turning our way
And our way is on the road again
I just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again
I can't wait to get on the road again
Family and Friends
Finally, thankyou to the family and friends who attended Catherine's celebration of life, either in person, by watching the livestream, have left messages, kind words, or donated to the Leukemia Foundation in her honour.
Attendees included: Alice R, Alison Das, Alison Dav, Alistair M, Amanda N, Amber B, Andrew C, Andrew W, Angella M, Angus F, Anna B, Anne B, Anne C, Anne McC, Anne McL, Bernadette B, Bernie O, Caitlin C, Carly S, Caroline B, Christine C, Damian B, Donna B, Edwina W, Gerard Bri, Gerard Bru, Gina A, Greg S, Hollie D, Jack V, Jake D, James M, Jen F, Jess B, John S, Julie B, Karen B, Kate B, Ken B, Kim S, Lachlan B, Leanne M, Liz V, Margaret R, Mark B, Mary-Jane B, Matthew S, Maureen D, Mick S, Nadia B, Narelle G, Phil M, Phillipa O, Rachel S, Rebecca W, Sally A, Sam R, Sharron O, Steve F, Sylvana G, Tiernan M, Will B.
More Information
Through Catherine's treatment, we received support from the Leukaemia Foundation and she expressed her wishes to donate toward the foundation after she was done, so if you would like to put anything forward in memory of her, please visit her tribute page on the Leukemia Foundation website.
If you'd like to help others with blood cancer, another way to do so is by donating blood stem cells. Mum received a transplant all the way from Germany, but donors don't need to be so far away. Visit Strength to Give for more information on how you can sign up to the Australian Bone Marrow Donor Registry.
I have created a page for her on Find a Grave to assist if anyone would like to visit her ashes. There will be one urn each with both of her children (Carly and Rachel).
If you had her as a friend on Facebook, you can leave messages there for her as we have converted it now to a memorial page. Or, if you would like to leave a message here, whether because you do not have Facebook or would prefer not to, you may leave one in this guestbook.
